October 31, 2007 Halloween… I’ve been staying busy helping with the Haunted House that the school puts on every year. The Nightmare Factory, as it is called, has been going for nearly twenty years. I’ve designed the posters and buttons to sell. I’m sure at some point I will post them in my “graphic arts” section. I also made cue line videos for the people waiting in line to watch. A more entertaining way of hearing the rules for the haunt, start the creepy out process and generally being amused while waiting in a long line. I was shown examples by Ed Roberts, a co-worker and founder of the haunted house, that other haunted houses have used and thought I could do that. It was a fun experiment for me as well, because we did a lot of special effects and green screening. I’m sure I’ll be posting those examples as well on here. Because of the haunted house’s long run, at the end of this week, I will have worked 19 days straight. I’m sure it goes without saying that I’m looking forward to doing nothing this weekend. Maybe laundry.

Sometime in September I heard rumor that the Mid-Valley Video Festival was bringing local bands and filmmakers together to make some music videos. To be perfectly honest, I was a bit bugged that I hadn’t been contacted about this. Call ego or whatever, but I fired off an email to Ross (Mid-Valley Video Festival organizer) and asked what was happening with this project. Within a day I got a call from him. He was in Germany, but felt it was important to get back to me. I thought that was pretty cool. I told him I was interested in doing a music video. It’s something I’ve never tried, but I prefaced it by saying I wasn’t interested in working with a new, unrecorded band. Right off he suggested The Funhouse Strippers. Without hesitation I said, “Perfect”. I had never seen the band perform, but I had read press on them and knew they had a pretty good local following. The band and I sat down a month later we’d punched out a music video for their song Murderer’s Thumb from their upcoming CD release. The band was ecstatic about the results. You can check out the video in my Movie section.

I continue to gather and organize all the graduate school information I can find. I’m trying to tapper my list of schools down to the specific programs I’m the most interested in attending. There are a couple that would take me back to L.A. and several that could take me to the Midwest. So it should be interesting to see where I end up in the next year or so. A short list of the schools I’ve looked at, in no particular order, Chapman Univ., Loyola Marymount, Univ. of Ohio, Univ. of Utah, Univ. of Wis –Milwaukie. I think generally speaking that if I were to go anyplace other than Southern California it would be for economic reasons. I already owe so damn much money that I would prefer to get out of grad school not owing much more than I do now.

As this school began I had it set in my head that I was out the door here in Oregon regardless of whether I got into grad school or not. Last year I broached the subject with a few of the administrators here at the school about sticking around, but I was a bit discouraged by their tepid response. However, a couple weeks ago now, I sat down with the new director of the school about some a variety of issues. If I’m totally honest, I wasn’t a big fan of her when I heard she was coming back to the school, but I was also making sure I held my tongue until I saw what she was going to do. No question she won me over through our meeting. I like her approach and the direction she feels the school should go. She’s a strong, direct woman and if you know me, you know I appreciate that. She also asked if I was interested in working days at the school. She said that I was “highly regarded” and that they were wasting my skills on a graveyard shift. Made me feel good. Always nice to be complimented. That was twice that month, so it’s a banner year for me. ;-) Now I don’t know if I’ll be sticking around, but I’m willing to keep it as an option now.

Recently I took a shot at cutting out coffee from my daily diet. I don’t mean diet as in I’ve been watching what I’m eating. The truth be told, I’ve been eating like I recently discovered food, and then was told it will be going away… forever. LOL.  Anyway, the coffee thing didn’t pan out exactly. I’m drinking it as I write this now. I have started shopping for and filling my cabinets with much healthier food though. It is a strange mystery to me why I can’t get me ass off the computer and go the gym though. I mean I like going, I like the way I feel when I’ve been going and I lose weight. I’m going to think on this one more… LOL.

I’ve hung out with my sister a bit more over the last few months. Something I have really enjoyed. Went out one night (had a great time) and I’ve enjoyed the periodic breakfasts we’ve had together, when she’s been able to make it out to my neck of the woods. It’s been great cuz I get to spend some time with my niece as well. She’s still pretty new to world and definitely a happy pleasant baby. And I got to go pumpkin hunting with my nephew just before Halloween. Took a ton of pictures like the good doting uncle. Good times.

I think this will end my journal entry for this round. Thanks for your time. (listening to Quadrophenia)

August 21, 2007 The summer slips away so quickly. And in a moments time I’m back at work at the school for the deaf. Of course this means my living in the day light goes to way side now. Graveyard shift is what I’m going to know for the next nine months. I’ve come to realize that it will make little difference overall. Over the last year I accepted that working funky hours would limit my socializing. Spending time with friends and family. Particularly since most people slept when I was awake and vice versa. So with the summer off I expected to be out and about. Catching up with people I wasn’t able to see through the year, but it took hardly any time for me to realize that the only real difference between working graveyard and having a summer off was going to be heat and the hours I slept.  Not precisely what I had expected. This is what has led me to think very seriously about moving again. Going back L.A. I don’t see it happening real soon, but I expect to moving within the next year or so. I’ve come to realize and appreciate that there’s little here for me. That’s not to say there aren’t some great things here, but nothing I can’t get from an occasional visit and email.

I’ve started looking into graduate programs again. I think I learned quite a bit since my last attempt, so I’m going to spend a significant portion of the fall preparing my admissions paperwork and the glorious essays that are part of that. I want to do everything  I can to get all my paperwork in early this time around. To be honest, going to grad school is something that I would love to do and think it might provide direction for me. As well as offering an environment that I really came to enjoy. This time I intend on applying to several different schools. Most of them are located in Southern California. It’s a long way out, but I think this a good route for me to pursue. And though I applying to grad schools, I am keeping all my options open. Rumor has it that there might a be a position opening at the school I think I would enjoy. Have to wait and see…

Recently I was asked to participate in a 48 hour movie challenge. It’s a pretty big deal. I was asked to come in as a writer. Which made me feel really good that I had earned respect in the area as a good writer. It didn’t take very long for us to have a direction for the story and I started typing. I think it was about 1AM that I was asked to play one of the main characters in the movie. A clown drill instructor called Sergeant Bingo. Mind you, when I wrote the character I hadn’t planned on even being on the set.  And though I was already tired, I felt honored to be asked. Of course that meant I was going to get almost no sleep through the weekend. Not to mention that I was going to be dressed as a clown, in make-up, and yelling almost every line. In spite of the stress and the evitable exhaustion I had a great time and was really fortunate to work a GREAT crew and cast. The other actors were great. The director (Jason Heimerdinger) and all the guys from Allied Video (Scott Hossner, Dan Walker, Brian Hart, and Jeff Hart) were total pro’s and did an amazing job. I was even talked into wearing the clown costume and makeup to the premiere showing in Portland. Mostly by the guys who didn’t have to wear any clown makeup, of course.  The movie was well received and something, I think, we were all proud to have been a part.

I wrote briefly in an earlier journal entry about a “deaf story” idea. It was an idea I was seriously looking into developing into a feature film project. However, with the time consuming nature of filling out grad school applications and writing essays and whatever else I will need to do, I’m going to put the deaf story feature film on hold indefinitely. I still think it would be a great project, but I won’t have the time necessary to make it happen. Another option I’ve considered is to turn it into a short movie. It might be a really good way to test the waters and see how well it is received.

In addition to making a sign language movie, I have several projects I’ll be working on over the next year. I think I will be resurrecting the Legend of O script. It’s a funny story and I think it would be a lot of fun to shoot. The main issue I had previously was getting people to show up for auditions. I’ve learned a few things recently about casting for a short movie in this area, so I think that aspect of the production should go a lot better. The Legend of O will utilized a much larger cast than I have ever directed, so if you are interested in being in it, let me know. I would imagine there would be something for a friend of mine. I’m also working on completing a commercial parody I wrote and shot with help from Jason Kambak back when I was finishing up with school. I’ve had the footage just sitting around and recently I took a look at it. I still think it’s funny, so I started editing it and should have it finished in the next month or two.  I’ve also started pre-production on my first music video. Through Mid-Valley Video Fest, I was put in contact with a local band who wanted to make a video. I sat down with The Funhouse Strippers and I think we have a good concept for a video and should be shooting it soon. I’ve been seriously contemplating writing a couple short stories. I would really love to see what I’m able to do with a completely different writing format. It all makes perfect sense in my head, but I wonder whether I would be able to communicate it in a short story form.

Got a new tattoo.

All in all, things are going all right. And when I feel a bit down I just remind myself that if this is the worst it gets, then things are going pretty damn good. Hope things are good for you. Thanks for reading.

JOURNAL 6.7.07 Here I am on the eve of my last night of graveyard work, at least for the summer, and I find myself looking at and pondering my life as it sits now. I suppose it's because I don't really know what's in store for me. I'm looking forward to changing my schedule for the summer, but the summer will fade away. Then what? Do I stay and work at the school? Will I have enough income to actually live on and be the responsible bill paying consumerist? Do I need to look for a better paying job? Is it time to move back to L.A.? Do I need to turn away from what I've wanted to do and “settle”? I've fought that for so long. Is it really something I have to do? My choices seem relatively open until I weigh in student loans and credit cards. I suppose I could default. That would leave me a lot of wiggle room to pursue whatever I wanted, but then again, the debt will be waiting. My own personal “Friday the 13th” and Jason comes to me in an envelope every month. Machete chopping away at my bank account. None stop. Never dying. Almost endless.

I'm pretty aware of my situation. Professionally I seem to be wandering and the wandering I'm doing seems to include little sense of direction. Financially, I'm staring down the barrel of a credit debt shotgun. Frantically swiping at the hands reaching in for the trigger. Hoping beyond reason that I have the stamina to maintain this effort long enough to survive. And I don't mean live long enough to pay it off so I can die. Personally my life has been awash in the dichotomy of my need for social interaction and my vampire-”ish” schedule. I miss having friends come around. Hell, I miss going out on occasion. I have moments where I relish the idea of having company. I've gone as far as getting a couch and recliner so I can have an area to sit and visit, but to date my new conversation area has gone unused.

A thought that has managed to seep into my thick skull, is that people are less likely to come visit if they aren't invited. I've been able to get my head around the idea that if I want to catch up with friends, I would need to call or write. Even though I know this empirically, I seem to take the approach of waiting to hear from them. This works sometimes. Mostly not. I understand that my life, like my friends and family, swims along. The time between “chats” is less frequent than you like. I have those moments where I'm driving down the road and it occurs to me that I've forgotten to return a call from the previous week. I realize of course that having friends and family come visit is a two way street. I don't honestly expect them to just come over. Nor do I expect them to be the only one that makes a point of calling. Generally my personal policy has been that maintaining contact with people is like tennis, or beer ping pong. A call, a text message, or an email are basically the ball coming to my side and it's my responsibility to respond. I do serve as well, but then I expect a response. If there is no response, then I simply leave it alone. I believe in parity. A relationship has to be a two way connection. I refuse to pursue and work to maintain a relationship alone. I'm not freaking Atlas, so I don't feel the need to shoulder the entire workload for a friendship. Rarely has it seemed worth it and inevitably leads to disillusionment. I wonder if that is just “life”? That's the flippant response I get from people on occasion. I think it's more.

I've finished that first draft for my “deaf story” treatment. I feel good about the story and honestly believe that were I to finish this project it would be a money making endeavor. If you're interested in reading the treatment, please feel free to drop me a line and I'll fire it off to you. I'm interested in getting feedback.

My working out and eating well has screeched to a halt. It is my intention to get back to this summer. Funny that a few months ago I set a lofty goal and yet some how I've taken a couple steps back. I'm not sure if I actually took the steps. Maybe I slid on my fat ass backwards. Either way, I'm backward. LOL I recently signed up for a years gym membership. Got a good deal, so now I simply need to walk across the street and use it. Stay tuned...