October 30, 2005 My goodness it has been a long time since I last updated this thing. I think about it all the time, but I seem to be in a weird sort of transitional period. I don’t seem to do well in this kind of state of flux without a clear goal ahead of me.

Following graduation I packed up, drove the four hours to Salem, threw my things into a storage unit and waited for camp to start. Ashland is a place that I will miss very much and will leave me with a lot of found memories. Not just the place I moved from, but almost everything that I have left behind. I made some great friends there and really enjoyed my time as a student at Southern Oregon, but it was time to do something else and I couldn’t really see me staying there with out being in school.

            I worked at Camp Silver Creek again this summer. I was definitely better prepared to be there this year. It allowed me to really enjoy the experience on different level and not build expectations about the social aspect that I did prior summer. All those years ago, as a counselor, I think it was more difficult for me to separate myself and my wants/needs from what I was doing as a staff. Now that I’m a supervisor and older it has provided me with a perspective and awareness to really be focused on giving campers a great experience at camp. In turn, it is a better experience for me. Don’t know if that seems to talk itself into circles, but that’s a little insight from me to you. Anyway, camp ended and ended up staying here in Salem as much as I didn’t have a real direction or place to go.

            As it turns out, the universe must have known I was going to be needed here in Salem. My mother recently had open heart surgery and I’m happy that I was able to be around for that. She’s doing very well and I’ve been really impressed with how well she’s handled such a trying situation. Also I have an aunt that is dealing with some tough things and hopefully I will be able to be supportive with that. On top of some the emotional stuff, it has been great to reconnect with family and people I haven’t really had time to be around in a long time. I’ve really relished my time with them.

            I have been working at the local YMCA as a substitute for their school age program. Which means that I hang out with kids before and after school. It’s been fun and the kids are usually great. The money however is horrible, so I’m also looking for other work locally. Nothing too long term really, which limits me some, but it still should be better than the Y. I’ve put out a lot of resumes, but nothing has really materialized yet.

            I think I’ve figured out my next move though. I’m looking seriously at getting my Masters of Fine Arts in Film Productions. There is one particular school I aiming for is Chapman University. They are a smaller private school with a great reputation. And one of the upsides for me is that it moves me back to Southern California. Yeah baby! So I will spend this next year getting my application into them and finding the money that will be necessary for me to attend an expensive school. I think that my academic standing at the end of college and all the things I was involved with will help me get into graduate school. So if you want to donate to the cause, it would be appreciated. Nothing? Ok.

            When I finished at nationals this last year, I sort assumed that was the end of my athletic career, but after talking to a friend that runs a track club locally I think I will start training again. I did some research and found out that at my age group in the masters class I would do very well at the national level. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I like doing things that I can do well at. And if I can win some national championships…. AWESOME! Besides that, my big self needs to be as active as I can be for as long as I can.

            I’m going to try and get some projects going while I’m here in Salem. As well finish some screenplays for future productions. I’m trying to raise some funds to upgrade some of my video equipment and one of the things that I really would like to do is buy a new video camera. So I had an idea to take any money I could raise from my work (paintings, DVDs, etc.) I would apply that to a fund for a new camera. Any contribution would be greatly appreciated. As well as any other ideas about finding monies for this new endeavor.

            Thanks so much for reading my journal and I sincerely hope things are good with you. Please feel free to drop me a line and let me know.

June 18, 2005 Wild stuff. I have finally graduated from college! It has been a long time coming. Particularly because I started college late in the eighties. I have to admit, and I’m sure if you have heard me talk you’ll already know, I’m the most proud of getting out school Cum Laude. It’s more impressive, considering I came back to school with a 2.1 GPA and was able to raise it to 3.51. Without the 2.1 anchor I would have finished with a 3.85 overall. Without question the best grades I’ve ever gotten. EVER! I was also awarded the outstanding senior in the dept. communications/media arts for 2005. So my name goes on a plaque in the communications dept. and will be there forever.

 My experience in college was definitely a good one. I was able to meet some great people and had a wonderful experience with my professors. It’s sort of strange to have gotten so comfortable in Ashland and uprooting myself so I can go on and do… something else. I really don’t know what I’m going to be doing. Aside from going back to camp this summer, I have no idea what I will be doing with myself after that. I’m looking into going back to school and getting a masters degree. I could move back to L.A. and get back in the game. Another remote possibility is going to Bulgaria to work as an actor. I have a friend who is there checking it out and if it looks good, then I will be going.

My graduation was a good experience. Unfortunately my father was hurt at work and couldn’t really walk so a long drive was out of the question.  A lot of my family was able to come, which was great. My mom was particularly excited with me graduating. It was awesome to have all that time together with the family. I think it made the experience that much better. There were a bunch of pictures from the event that I will post here in the picture gallery.

I’m going to end this here. I had a lot of stuff I was going to write here, but I seem to be drawing a blank now. But I hope to add more soon. Thanks again for taking the time to read.

March 20, 2005 I’m on spring break right now. It’s nice to have a little break before the next term begins. Hard to imagine that not too long ago I thought to myself that maybe I’ll look into going back to college and now I’m one term away from graduating. I’ve been asked whether I’m excited about getting done, and I must admit I’ll be pleased. But, I wouldn’t say I was excited. In fact I might describe it as being anxious about what in the hell I’m going to do next.

 Some of the options I see in front of me are; to go back to L.A. and get into the game in some form or another, graduate school abroad, graduate school, but going as an assistant track coach so that my tuition will get paid for me, move abroad, grad school and increase my already fat bank loans. These are just the first ideas that come to mind as I write. I’m sure there are an infinite amount of choices in front of me. So I guess this one of those situations that I’m simply going to have be patient and see what avails itself to me.

The term ended on a pretty good note. My buddy Jason and I worked on a project for film theories class together that turned out pretty good I think. What we did was take a short script I wrote and shot it three different ways applying different film theories to see how the story would be influenced by the various film theories that were utilized. It was a really interesting experiment and it was really cool to see Jason working so hard to communicate what he had learned. We did some good work if I say so myself. I’m sure I’ll post the various versions on the site sometime in the near future.

 A little depressed today. I took part in my third track meet this season yesterday at the University of Oregon and I stunk the place up. I was probably my worst performance at a track meet in twenty years. Physically I think I was up for throwing pretty well, but I think I got myself psyched out when I saw some of the other throwers who were in attendance. A few examples were Lance Deal, the American record holder, Koji Murofushi, one of the best in the world, and James Parker, one of the best in the U.S. It sort of freaked me out when I looked out at the beginning of the throw and saw Murofushi and Parker standing right in front of me. I’m not sure what it is, because I lived in L.A. for about ten years and saw plenty of celebrities and thought it was cool. However, when I see the best from track and field I get all excited like a kid. Anyhow, I’m searching myself to see why I let myself get all bent at this particular meet. And then it’s on to the next one. I’m a bit frustrated that I haven’t qualified for nationals yet. It’s something I think I should have done weeks ago. I’ve wondered if this is one of those challenges that I have to get past to get what I really want. I’m in the position that I have to work and work to get it now. I’m not sure I recall having put this kind of effort out to accomplish a goal.

I think I’m going to end this here, but I’m going make more of an effort to update the journal more often. Thanks as always for reading what’s up with me. Best.

2.28.05 JOURNAL  Woo hoo…. My birthday is a couple days away. I’m sort of looking forward to it in spite of the idea that I get older with each one. It’s kind of funny, but I have always been so spoiled on my birthdays growing up that it was a real transition into being an adult and having a birthday. It wasn’t until I turned around 27 that began to realize that my birthday wasn’t a national holiday and that everyone didn’t stop what they were doing for my special moment. This year I threw myself a party and invited a bunch of people. It turned out pretty good and I was pleased with the turn out. One down side was that I hurt my back pretty bad at the first track meet of the season and couldn’t walk. So I ended up lying on my bed and had half the party in my room so that I could be around visitors. It wasn’t a huge party, but I had fun and was pleased with everyone that decided to come up. 

Speaking of track… My back is injured. I’m not sure how long it will take me out of training and throwing, but I’ll get back to it as soon as I can. So far I’ve been stuck in bed for 3 days now. I’m almost able to walk to the bathroom in a reasonable amount of time. I guess that’s my short term goal, to be able to get up and walk short distances with out a lot of pain. My training prior to the injury was going well and I had been expecting to throw well in the coming weeks. I took a trip up to Eugene to train with a friend Justin, who is a really good thrower, and was able to give me some really good pointers. My hope is that this back thing doesn’t set me too far behind, but I’ll have to wait and see.

School is moving along. I have to admit I’ve been a bit of a slacker this term, but I’m sure I’ll still do well academically. This term has brought some new challenges. I was able to be a sports commentator for the first ever live television broadcast of wrestling from our university. Over all I think I did a good job. I wore a tie, dyed my hair back to its normal color and even took out my earrings. I’ll try and put some clips of the broadcast on my site in the near future. I’ve continued to struggle with the screenplay I’m writing for credit.

I’ve been more aware of recent that school is almost over and that would mean that I have to start thinking about what I want to do once I’ve graduated. I have been bouncing the idea of continuing with my schooling or possibly just moving back to L.A. and getting back in the entertainment game. Hell…. I don’t know what I want to do. Aside form simply being independently wealthy, which wasn’t part of the college courses I took this year. It really seems to be a difficult thing to plan and foresee what you want to do. I know that I’m not alone in thinking that.

January 13, 2005  Happy New Year. School has started again. Winter term is in full swing already. I think, at least so far, that this term will be a good one. I definitely like my classes and I will have enough free time to train effectively this term which is exactly what I was planning last year when I loaded up on credit hours. I’m taking some interesting classes. Sports broadcasting, contemporary film theory, and I’m writing a screenplay for upper division credit.

As to projects I’m working on. For now I’m planning to shoot a public service announcement this term some time, probably on film, about the mascot issue in college and professional sports. I’m writing a short script that I think it perfectly geared for film festivals and I would like to also shoot that on film as well. I continue to offer up the chance to shoot new and original projects for “actors”, but none have bothered to follow through on the proposal. The camp promo that was so much the bane of my existence over the last term is complete and when I unveiled it at the camp Christmas party it went over incredibly well. I was pleased that so many people were blown away with the quality. I think I’ll cut together a camp “music video” of sorts while I still have the files on my computer.

I was asked to submit Customer Service to the best of the Northwest Festival by one of my professors. I took that as nice compliment. He even offered to pay the submission fee. He thinks that it has a good shot at winning for best original teleplay.

Training is going pretty good. I can tell, or at least my body is telling me, that I missed some training last term. That will go away soon enough. I just need to stick to it. Initially I came to school with the goal of winning at nationals, but I have to admit I have some doubt about that. I know I will do well. At least an academic All-American this spring. I’m not giving up by any stretch. In fact I’ve been working harder, but still that sort is poking at me. I can definitely tell that I’m the old man on the team. J

I’ve been in a real Eleanor Rigby sort of mood of late. I’ve recently been thinking about how I used to be such a social butterfly, how many people I knew, and socialized. I realize that things are going well for me, but I have to admit that I have been feeling a bit distressed about how I relate to other people, or what I expect. I’ve been told that I expect too much from others. This is something that has always struck me as odd. I don’t really understand that sort of thinking. I mean doesn’t it make more sense to expect the most of others, because if you expect less then that’s the level that people shoot for in the relationship. Then everyone is disappointed and hurt. It also contradicts the classic statement about treating other as you would be treated. I make sincere efforts to be honest, fair, supportive and selfless with people. Particularly people I care about. However, again and again the theme of selfishness comes to forefront. It is such a rare and curious thing to see anyone be altruistic or unselfish. This is as rare as it is predictable to hear something ignorant as “everyone is looking out for themselves all the time anyway” as an excuse for making no effort at all. I guess I will continue to mull this over and see what sort of conclusion I can come up with.

Thanks again for checking in. Please feel free to crop me a line some time.