JOURNAL 9.12.08 - Ok, let’s see what’s happened since the last time I made a journal entry… JEEZ! A lot has happened.

I feel like I need to at the very least quickly cover the time between my entry in April and my move to California.

I quit the school for the deaf and briefly worked for the YMCA again. It ended abruptly and for the most part during the summer, I just worked on getting things in order for my big move to California. I have to admit I had a good time this summer. I spent a great of time with an old buddy of mine, Joe. We hadn’t talked in years when we caught up and the launching pad for endless parties and general fun. He showed me that he was a genuine friend and showed a loyalty, respect I haven’t seen a lot. I will miss having that much fun. Not sure my aging body will though. J

On the first of August I had a movie night at Northern Lights in Salem. A Scott Aaron Hartmann movie retrospective as it were. Ross from the Mid-Valley Video Festival was a major help putting the night together so I could have showcase of my short movies. I was excited to see the people who showed up and disappointed with the people I expected to see not bothering. It was a good moment for me to be able to focus on the glass being half full. Over all it was well received and I had a really good time. I left feeling grateful.

The move was like most moves; too much stuff, not enough room and a variety of other issues that seem to be part and parcel with moving. I did get some surprising help from my old buddy Rob. As part of my master plan in moving, I sold my furniture and bought a Ford Explorer to make the move a little less expensive. Overall it’s been a good rig, but it didn’t like going over mountains, on hot days and weighted down by a heavy load. There are a few things on a long drive that can really stress a person. A couple examples I can share from personal experience are watching a flow of white smoke following my rig as it struggles up a mountain and the stream of transmission fluid splashing on the road side when I was forced to pull over. Now here’s the strange part… once I was over the mountains and was able to refill the transmission fluid, I’ve had no problems with the transmission. Weird… Other than the transmission and gas being expensive the trip was good.

I’ve pretty well settled into my new place. I’m living in a nice four bedroom house that is pretty new. All of my roommates are pretty cool so far. Two of them are also graduate students at Chapman film school as well. Which has been nice to get a little insight on what I’m potentially in for these next few years. In addition all my roommates are female. Including the cat and new puppy. No real point to that. I just find it amusing. I feel pretty comfortable and I think this will be a good place to be able to get my feet planted. The transition was made a TON easier with my mother’s help. She was very generous and definitely made my move much better than it would have been otherwise. I have all new furniture for my room and can just focus on school.

A week after I arrived, Chapman had its graduate film student orientation week. This was the first time I was able to see the facilities and the staff. I don’t think I was ten minutes into the tour of the studio when a huge grin slid on my face. I was amazed at the new building, equipment and all the resources that were now going to be available to me as a student. I knew the place was good, but I had no idea it was this extraordinary. That said, the staff are really good at reminding us that this building can’t make movies. As good as it is it’s a tool. The movie is up to us to create.

We’ve since started our classes and I’ve been as busy as I can ever recall being. And I don’t mean that in a complaining way at all. I might leave home at 8AM and return after 10PM, and though I’m worn out I’m still happy. It really is a very different thing when you’re spending all that time doing something you are engaged and fascinated by doing. It’s my understanding that this is just the beginning too…

April 14, 2008 My oh my… It has been a long time…   I think it goes without saying (yet I’m saying it) there is a clear pattern of huge gaps in time between journal entries. I see blogs that are updated daily and obviously that is not me. I kept putting off writing my journal update because for so long it felt as if there wasn’t much to talk about and there seemed to be all sort of things I was doing nothing more than waiting to hear… I guess I have enough to talk about, cuz I’m writing now.

                Once again I am wading into a transition in my life. Short term and long term. Though there are only a couple months left in the school year, I’ve given my notice at the school for the deaf. I’ve burnt out on working the graveyard shift. Those hours have left me isolated and alone. I don’t mean in a depressed feel sorry for myself sort way. I’ve liked the people I worked with and the students overall were pretty good. I’m simply done with it. Also, I want my last few months in Oregon to be more available to my friends and family. Now, that said, it very well maybe one of those grass is greener situations, but I’m looking forward to seeing the sunlight and sleeping normal hours regardless. I’m going to be working for the YMCA part time and coaching track for Peak Performance. I’ll be hustling for whatever video gigs I can get up and going as well.

                A possible project that may or may not come together is a sign language movie that I proposed to the Oregon Arts Commission. I applied for their Media Arts Fellowship which would provide nearly all the financing needed to complete the production. If that comes through I’ll know what my summer job will be.

                Since the last time I wrote I’ve actually applied to graduate schools. Pursuing my Masters of Fine Arts (MFA) in film production. First the less positive news update. I was sent rejection letter from two of the schools I applied. And as it turns out, I don’t handle rejection from schools any better than I do from women. On the lighter side, as of now, I have been waitlisted by San Francisco State Univ, so I’m in the running if a slot opens up. Chapman University, the same school I applied to a couple years ago, has continued they’re special kind of torture for me. This time however, they misread my application and thought I was interested in the producing program, I am not, and wanted to interview me. I had to decline and explain. I found myself pulling up all the feelings of futility and frustration from the last time I dealt with them and how they had “lost” my application. Losing me any real chance of admission. I spoke to a very cool grad assistant there who seemed to understand my frustration and was very helpful. So now it’s nothing more than a waiting game… The good news has been my acceptance to the Rochester Institute of Technology in Rochester, NY. In addition to the acceptance, they offered me a merit scholarship of $9000 for the first year. Made me feel good. I’m not making the final decision as to where I’m going until I know precisely what my options are going to be. Should be exciting.

                Onto something a little less exciting, I turned forty at the beginning of March. It was an underwhelming experience. It will undoubtly go down as a disappointment for me and an iconic moment that I will never have another shot at living. I will leave it at that.

                I’ve almost participated in two 72 hour challenges in the last few months. The Mid-Valley Video Festival sponsored a challenge this year, but my friend and cinematographer Robert Brown asked if he could take a swing at directing this time. So I stepped back and supported his effort. I wrote the screenplay and edited the movie. He did a good job and won in his category. I then tried to put together a team for the Salem Film Festival 72 hour challenge. Probably the biggest crew and cast I’ve tried to organize ever, but it wasn’t meant to be I guess. By the day of shooting I found myself in an unusual position. Nearly all of the people who had expressed interested in participating or had already committed to be involved either flaked out or bailed at the last minute. I was stuck. For a moment I push and pulled to see if I could make a go of it, but it wasn’t going to happen. I was irritated and a bit depressed, but I also was feeling something else. It took me a couple days to realize what it was I feeling. I was embarrassed. This was the first project I’ve had to walk away from like this and it left me feeling something I rarely at best feel, embarrassed.

                Through a friend of mine, Ed Roberts, at the school for the deaf I was contacted by SPFX masks. They do these great silicone Halloween/movie masks that are incredibly real looking. I used one in my movie Mediocrity. The team at SPFX masks liked the way the mask was used and asked if they could feature Mediocrity on their website and as a promotional tool.   

I participated in a “weight challenge” at work. It was a twelve week contest among people who work under the Oregon Dept of Education. For some reason this came at the right time for me and I had some great success. In the past, I’ve simply eaten what I’ve wanted and gone to the gym to work it off. This time I changed what I was eating. I didn’t focus on anything other than my calories. And honestly it wasn’t that hard. I don’t recall feeling hungry.  In fact, I didn’t make it to the gym until the last week of the contest and I still lost 35 pounds. I’m pretty happy with that. I’m not celebrating in big way, because, honestly, I see it as a good start.